Sometimes rambling posts like this are good. They let us see you more clearly as a person, and not just an amazing writer. I am not Jewish, so I can’t pretend to know how you feel in that regard, but I do have a son who is one short year away from draft age. He’s planning to join the military anyway, and I am deeply proud of that decision, but it also terrifies me. In my head it sounds like I’m being dramatic, as we’re not technically at war yet, but we have troops there, and my mom brain goes directly to the worst-case scenario. Anyway, here I am rambling in return. The point is, I appreciated this post. I’m glad you hit the publish button.
Thank you again. This exactly resonates me. I just continue to be in an anxious fog. Worried about the hostages. Worried about the future of Israel. Worried about the Palestinian civilians. Just sick to my stomach. I don’t know how to place myself in the Progressive political party anymore as Jewish woman when so many continue to deny or minimize antisemitism. I feel so untethered and lost. I don’t want to read anymore about it all but I can’t stop and I think I have a responsibility to do so. This is the first time where I really understand the depths of anti-Jewish oppression personally (despite knowing our history and having read so much Holocaust and related literature). Perhaps I am grieving a sense of privilege as well. Anyway, it is all so much. Too much. Thank you for making me feel less alone. Please keep writing even if you feel you are rambling or it’s not your most eloquent work. It is important.
Untethered, yes... I think that’s the word I keep searching for to explain how this feels. And I’m in the anxious fog state as well. I keep going between numb and panicked and am in some sort of permanent shock that this is reality.
I knew the Holocaust-like nightmares would come soon and they did, last night. I’m terrified! So many of my friends haven’t said a word to even recognize Israel / the terrorism and hostages, and only talk of Palestine, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I appreciate your rambling! Thank you ♥️
I completely feel this, Zibby. Although I’m not Jewish, I have many friends (including you) who are. I have felt for a long time that our world lacks empathy and that’s why it’s so important to listen to the stories of others and reading this allows me to understand what you’re feeling. I rad WOMAN OF VALOR last month by Lynne Golodner and my eyes were completely opened to what it’s like being an Orthodox Jew. It’s great evidence how we can turn to books during such times to learn more about others and gain an even deeper understanding of why we need to speak up more loudly for our Jewish friends.
Last night I was chatting with a mom at soccer practice and we talked about how we both grew up in small towns and it wasn’t until we left for college that we were witnesses to “the real world”. My sophomore year a student drove through students on the sidewalk on purpose. She witnessed something similar. Today, our kids have shooting drills. They are living in this “real world” already and it’s excruciatingly sad to know that.
I hope you know that you are thought of and prayed for daily and if I lived closer, I’d come over to give you a hug.
Again, I love your way of writing. It is emboldening me too just write. I aim for perfection all too often. I love hearing your thoughts on everything... It's beautiful and authentic, and why we all love you💕
Thank you for your courage Zibby. It feels terrible to be hated just because you exist.
There are many people on this earth that share that experience with us. And yet the prejudice against Jews can be really sneaky and insidious. Like if people don’t know you’re Jewish. Mostly people don’t even realize that what they’re saying is anti semitic. Maybe that makes the problem even harder to root out. Thank you for helping to normalize being Jewish and what it feels like to be Jewish now in the face of such hatred.
You expressed yourself with authenticity and heart. I am an America Jew in Los Angeles, and I feel the exact same way. I am disappointed, disillusioned, and scared. My grandchildren attend religious schools - and I fear for their safety. I also work in higher education and am appalled at the lack of support from the majority of the universities and colleges across this country. Ashamed, appalled, and horrified at their lack of understanding and their ignorance. READ Noa's book - helllllo. They cry Equity, Access, Inclusion - but for whom? I can't help but think if this was a different demographic it would be a different picture. Hang in there - you truly are not alone. Am Yisrael Chi.
I certainly didn’t have any trouble for your “rambling.” It feels honest and raw. I appreciate that. I gave up feeling safe some time ago- my son is dark skinned and I live in fear of police, because they’ve already hassled him repeatedly. My husband has stage 4 cancer, some of my children are queer, etc. Safety is not real and in a way acknowledging that was a breakthrough, spiritually.
That said, the attack in Israel and some of the reactions here are striking in the intensity- there is more antisemitism than I would have known and it’s very disturbing. I’m doing my best as an ally to my many jewish friends and family members to publicly call it out and offer support. I’m so sorry you’re feeling afraid. I hope you get some rest. Maybe toss the phone for a day?
Not rambling, but rather vulnerable and heartfelt. Saying so much of what we are all feeling, even those of us who are not Jewish. Fear runs through us. It’s hard to drop the kids off at school some mornings. Sending you love.
I'm so sorry, Zibby. I feel like I should be saying 'I'm so sorry' 24 hours a day. I should make it my full-time job. And I should say 'thank you' whenever someone has to say it to me. I did the same thing yesterday. I scratched a feel-good essay I'd just about finished and wrote a piece from my heart about the angst and anguish so many of us are feeling right now over so many tragedies, so many deaths, so many lives overturned because hate is winning and we don't know what to do about it.
If writing from our hearts has any effect, it's that we know we're not alone. People who are feeling the same come out and respond. It's a collective grief session and it works. It's worthy. It's necessary. Yet we feel we have to apologize, as if we're not being 'professional' if we admit to feeling hopeless or helpless or sad or angry or lost.
Woke up and feel mortified. Typos! Rambling! Oh boy. I hope this somehow helps and reading it doesn’t feel like a waste of time. Sorry!
Sometimes rambling posts like this are good. They let us see you more clearly as a person, and not just an amazing writer. I am not Jewish, so I can’t pretend to know how you feel in that regard, but I do have a son who is one short year away from draft age. He’s planning to join the military anyway, and I am deeply proud of that decision, but it also terrifies me. In my head it sounds like I’m being dramatic, as we’re not technically at war yet, but we have troops there, and my mom brain goes directly to the worst-case scenario. Anyway, here I am rambling in return. The point is, I appreciated this post. I’m glad you hit the publish button.
Thank you, Amanda. Oh, the FEAR. It all comes from so much love but it’s hard to bear.
Doesn't feel like rambling, just feels real. I'm so sorry for all you're going through, and sorry for the lack of empathy and nuance all around.
❤️
Thank you again. This exactly resonates me. I just continue to be in an anxious fog. Worried about the hostages. Worried about the future of Israel. Worried about the Palestinian civilians. Just sick to my stomach. I don’t know how to place myself in the Progressive political party anymore as Jewish woman when so many continue to deny or minimize antisemitism. I feel so untethered and lost. I don’t want to read anymore about it all but I can’t stop and I think I have a responsibility to do so. This is the first time where I really understand the depths of anti-Jewish oppression personally (despite knowing our history and having read so much Holocaust and related literature). Perhaps I am grieving a sense of privilege as well. Anyway, it is all so much. Too much. Thank you for making me feel less alone. Please keep writing even if you feel you are rambling or it’s not your most eloquent work. It is important.
Thank you. Yes, it’s like having a stepstool kicked out from under us. Feel like I got the wind knocked out of me.
Untethered, yes... I think that’s the word I keep searching for to explain how this feels. And I’m in the anxious fog state as well. I keep going between numb and panicked and am in some sort of permanent shock that this is reality.
I feel every bit of this, and I'm grateful you published it.
I’m feeling your angst and I am unable to write anything creative. I pray with you for everyone’s safety here and in Israel.
Thank you Zibby ❤️. I feel the same way.
I knew the Holocaust-like nightmares would come soon and they did, last night. I’m terrified! So many of my friends haven’t said a word to even recognize Israel / the terrorism and hostages, and only talk of Palestine, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I appreciate your rambling! Thank you ♥️
❤️
I completely feel this, Zibby. Although I’m not Jewish, I have many friends (including you) who are. I have felt for a long time that our world lacks empathy and that’s why it’s so important to listen to the stories of others and reading this allows me to understand what you’re feeling. I rad WOMAN OF VALOR last month by Lynne Golodner and my eyes were completely opened to what it’s like being an Orthodox Jew. It’s great evidence how we can turn to books during such times to learn more about others and gain an even deeper understanding of why we need to speak up more loudly for our Jewish friends.
Last night I was chatting with a mom at soccer practice and we talked about how we both grew up in small towns and it wasn’t until we left for college that we were witnesses to “the real world”. My sophomore year a student drove through students on the sidewalk on purpose. She witnessed something similar. Today, our kids have shooting drills. They are living in this “real world” already and it’s excruciatingly sad to know that.
I hope you know that you are thought of and prayed for daily and if I lived closer, I’d come over to give you a hug.
I’d give you a big hug back. We are all just... waiting. Together.
Authentic. Poetic. Honest.
Again, I love your way of writing. It is emboldening me too just write. I aim for perfection all too often. I love hearing your thoughts on everything... It's beautiful and authentic, and why we all love you💕
Thank you for your courage Zibby. It feels terrible to be hated just because you exist.
There are many people on this earth that share that experience with us. And yet the prejudice against Jews can be really sneaky and insidious. Like if people don’t know you’re Jewish. Mostly people don’t even realize that what they’re saying is anti semitic. Maybe that makes the problem even harder to root out. Thank you for helping to normalize being Jewish and what it feels like to be Jewish now in the face of such hatred.
Zibby,
You expressed yourself with authenticity and heart. I am an America Jew in Los Angeles, and I feel the exact same way. I am disappointed, disillusioned, and scared. My grandchildren attend religious schools - and I fear for their safety. I also work in higher education and am appalled at the lack of support from the majority of the universities and colleges across this country. Ashamed, appalled, and horrified at their lack of understanding and their ignorance. READ Noa's book - helllllo. They cry Equity, Access, Inclusion - but for whom? I can't help but think if this was a different demographic it would be a different picture. Hang in there - you truly are not alone. Am Yisrael Chi.
❤️❤️❤️
I certainly didn’t have any trouble for your “rambling.” It feels honest and raw. I appreciate that. I gave up feeling safe some time ago- my son is dark skinned and I live in fear of police, because they’ve already hassled him repeatedly. My husband has stage 4 cancer, some of my children are queer, etc. Safety is not real and in a way acknowledging that was a breakthrough, spiritually.
That said, the attack in Israel and some of the reactions here are striking in the intensity- there is more antisemitism than I would have known and it’s very disturbing. I’m doing my best as an ally to my many jewish friends and family members to publicly call it out and offer support. I’m so sorry you’re feeling afraid. I hope you get some rest. Maybe toss the phone for a day?
❤️❤️❤️
“Safety is not real.” You’re right. I’m sorry you’ve learned this the hard way. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Thank you for your vulnerability
I feel your pain. Knowing I’m not alone is comforting. Thanks for sharing your deep feelings. Hugs!
Not rambling, but rather vulnerable and heartfelt. Saying so much of what we are all feeling, even those of us who are not Jewish. Fear runs through us. It’s hard to drop the kids off at school some mornings. Sending you love.
❤️
I'm so sorry, Zibby. I feel like I should be saying 'I'm so sorry' 24 hours a day. I should make it my full-time job. And I should say 'thank you' whenever someone has to say it to me. I did the same thing yesterday. I scratched a feel-good essay I'd just about finished and wrote a piece from my heart about the angst and anguish so many of us are feeling right now over so many tragedies, so many deaths, so many lives overturned because hate is winning and we don't know what to do about it.
If writing from our hearts has any effect, it's that we know we're not alone. People who are feeling the same come out and respond. It's a collective grief session and it works. It's worthy. It's necessary. Yet we feel we have to apologize, as if we're not being 'professional' if we admit to feeling hopeless or helpless or sad or angry or lost.
If writers can't do that, who will?
You’re right. Such good points. Everything just feels wrong these days.